2005/12/31
Lately, I've been feeling pretty grumpy about consumption. Food, school, work, television, music, internet, men, even reading, it all seems to be about consumption in our society. Trying to purge myself of consumption, I've come across some really ugly symptoms, like feeling sick to my stomach on TV or getting a headache when just hearing any kind of music. It's kind of debilitating. It must be some temporary phase, because Buddhists are supposed to be tolerant and I keep getting angry at people for consuming too much. Even celebrities I look at as some exhadurated form of the public and Western ideals, and their riches and fame make them increasingly more unhappy, becase they cannot satisfy their multiplying desires. A sense of aversion for dating and the opposite sex is emerging in me too, because I feel like I can never really appreciate guys for who they are, only desire them all to myself. I just have to remember that even though my problems have gotten worse, I've gotten better at dealing with them and I suffer less, so I just have to be greatful. After all, there are so many people that suffer a great deal more than me.
2005/12/22
Okay, now I'll stop ranting because I'm just contradicting myself. I don't know why, but I was having a bad day yesterday, and since I don't have school right now, I just type down my thoughts in my blog every day. Once school hits again in January, you probably won't hear from me in at least a month. Well, I think everyone gets moody once in a while, especially if you're still in your teens. I won't have an excuse very much longer, because in a few months I'm going to be 20. I'm going to start appreciating life more instead of complaining.
Wow, people seem to be actually reading my blog now. I'd better be careful of what I post, or my blog will turn into the typical rant vent. I used to have a blog in highschool, but it turned into a gigantic complaining centre, so I ended up deleting it. I want to keep this one though, I wish I could see my old blogs and comments from when I was younger. Even if it was ranting, it's good to be able to reflect. So I'm going to make an effort not to complain anymore.
Oh speaking of not complaining, guess what? I'm going to a Buddhist retreat in January with Thay (pronounced Thai). He's a Zen Buddhist monk up in Northern Ontario, and he has a really nice meditation hall. The last time I came back from there I felt like a kid again, like I could do anything. It was amazing! It just gives you total peace up there, and it makes you realize what's truly important in life.
I want to start volunteering at a soup kitchen soon too, accept I am still pretty weak at cooking. Perhaps it's a chance to become better at it though, and help the less fortunate. Man, I think about what I complained about and I realize how silly I am. I might as well be complaining about Cambridge. On another note . . .
Read the rest of this entry ... (57 words left)
2005/12/21
I seriously cannot wait until I get back to school. I know this sounds crazy, but I think I need to go back. I am working on my aversion to academia (la la la lawschool, my marks are only at 80). Oh I had to use emoticons there to show you how mad I get when people complain about their marks and can't get into some presigious Cambridge university. Be greatful for what you have. I know this isn't very compassionate of me, but I suggest you go on a missionary to Africa and then you'll realize that minimum wage is actually a lot of money. Anyway, I'm actually looking forward to going back to school because it will force me to work on my compassion towards people at university, and it will force me to grow.
2005/12/20
Ah, well, my time of peace is coming to an end. There are still many things to look forward to, like my family Christmas party, Christmas itself, and New Year's, but otherwise, in a few weeks I shall have to go back to school full-time. It seems like ages ago I was at Fanshawe, like years, and life has changed so much since then. For so many years I was so competitive, trying to make money, trying to get into competitive programs, and at last, I've been at peace for the last few months. That time is soon coming to an end. Not that I mind university, it's a good experience, and I'm very greatful, but it is also a source of my unhappiness sometimes, more so than living at home or not being able to drive a car. I'm hoping this new double major will help, and I'll soon be in a less snobby faculty, doing work I enjoy more.
I just feel like my whole education, my life, is in pieces and I have no idea where I'm going next. It's like a puzzle. It's exciting but very confusing. I don't want to plan to much, because it seems as soon as I make a plan, life automatically does not accord to it. Nevertheless, I need a rough guideline to help prepare myself for the future, but without going crazy and not appreciating the present. At least now I've gotten rid of some people in my life that were very negative, including people at Fanshawe. That program really wasn't right for me, but I just didn't want to leave because it costed so much money and I'd worked so hard for it. I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes I'd rather work close to minimum wage for the rest of my life than go to school. I'm not that concerned with money, anyway. I'll keep doing Western for my parents though, because it's really important to them. It made all the difference in their lives, and I guess I might as well finished what I started. Now the only question nagging me is, how?
2005/12/18
I just came up with a crazy idea! I was confused, and wondering myself "how will Christians, Muslims and Homosexuals get along?" Because it's such a huge problem for them to get along right now, with the whole gay marriage debate and so on. Now, if I were a homosexual and I lived under the roof of a very religious family that disapproved of that, I think I'd become a nun. I think it's a good comprimise because that way you're helping people, using that sexual energy in a positive way that doesn't upset the people of the relgion. Now homosexuals are probably going to get mad at me for saying this, and think "why should we all become nuns just because religious people don't approve of our sexual practices?" You're right.
Now it's just an idea. You see we live in this world with different religions, concepts and so on. These concepts make us unhappy, they are what build the walls around our ego in our life. We should really try to get to know these concepts, these walls, just like a bad habit. Then, once we do, we can figure out a solution.
Homosexuals should try desperately to understand their Christian and Muslim counterparts, and vise versa. We all have a part in sowing our own conflicts and unhappiness, and once you try to confront those who disapprove of you, or whom you disapprove, and get to know and love them, then we can arrive at a peaceful solution.
Today, I want to talk about my bad habits because I bet a lot of people have the same bad habits. Once you can admit to your flaws, you can get to know them. Not repress, not indulge, but just know EVERYTHING about your bad habits, and don't be afraid to break the silence about them either if you think it will help (but you don't necessarily have to). Then, you will find once you get to know your bad habits, they will gradually disappear. There's no need to try to destroy them right away, just know them, and they will evaporate on their own. Sound good?
2005/12/16
I became Buddhist just over a year ago 
and it's been a very positive experience! With all the great things that happened I just wanted to share that with everyone! You know, everyone suffers. It doesn't matter if you're starving, or if you're a rich person on drugs - all suffering is important. Although you can never escape your own pain, there are definitely really positive ways of dealing with life's problems, and live your life to the fullest! Like Thich Nhat Hahn says, "suffering is not enough." So yes, acknowledge your pain, but then let it go! And life will be good again!
2005/12/15
Selfish Love
You're like a peach and everyone wants a bite
Well ripened by the concepts in your mind
But thought and consumption and evading someone
Can block your heart's circulation
Allow me to illustrate; you can't embrace
Your suffering and your disgrace
So you shove it inside and shut your cellar up tight
And smile with all your pride
-
Selfish love, the wrong kind of love
That I don't like to speak thereof
I should pursue a positive view
But I must be truthful too
So abuse me, there is no use
Pretending that you're so confused
Violate me and just like fate
Careless lust will turn to hate
-
The cellar's calm's not a shock
Since you threw me in we haven't talked
Under the floor I heard sighing come through
Of women you'd use to distract you
I sat with the woe you bestowed upon me
I'll meditate until I'm set free
Let consumption go, release your pain
Then your blood will learn to flow again
Sorry guys if the music files aren't working. They work on my one computer and not the other. Oh well, at least I made an attempt to share some of the music files that I'm hoarding. I saw an ad on MSN to e-mail Santa so I thought I would leave him this note:
Dear Santa,
I would like a Buddha for Christmas. Books, CDs, you name it, those dharma talks and meditation help bring me back to my true nature. I love Christmas time. I get to do some volunteering at my church on Christmas eve, too. Some people I know really dislike religion, but I like Christianity and Buddhism. They're both fun, especially at Christmas time! Thanks again, Santa. Same time next year.
2005/12/14
Well, since I keep talking about Asian music, I think I should provide you with some samples of the most mainstream artists in Asia, just to get things started. In Japan, Ayumi Hamasaki is pretty huge, BoA is Korean but she's famous all across Asia and you can find her music in Japanese music boards. Here are some links to their songs:
Ayumi Hamasaki - InspireBoA - Amazing Kiss (Japanese Remix)I'll update once every few posts with new music. I might even throw in some indie artists if I can find a convient server where I can download their stuff. I'll start with Asian stuff for now. I can only post two songs at a time.
2005/12/13
Picture of Jay and Avril
I had to make an entry about this. Since when do Jay Chou and Avril Lavigne know each other? Apparently when this picture was taken, they were swapping some of their albums. They admire each other's music. Personally, I think Jay Chou is too good for Avril since she's so whiney, but hey, if she can meet Jay Chou then maybe I will someday too! I know, I'm such a fan. You can make fun of me if you want.
2005/12/11
I wrote a twelve page paper on ICANN (Internet Corporation of Assigned Names and Numbers) for my Political Economy of the Media class and it was a very interesting topic. I had to do a lot of reading to fully understand what ICANN does, but it's really important. ICANN manages the domain name system. You know, those web addresses you type in the browser? ICANN matches those up with the computer internet protocol number that you would have to type in if it weren't for web addresses. The U.S. government has significant influence over ICANN and other countries want a piece of the action, too. Anyway, here's a good web blog website, it's icannwatch.org. I was going to put it under my main links but I wasn't supposed to make it look like it was endorsed, so I wrote an entry on it instead. It's worth reading about.
2005/12/10
Integrity or merit. One aquires it through the hard work they do for the goodness of others, not for simply premoting their own self-interest. It brings confidence, happiness, and energy. So do the work you need to do mindfully, carefully, and although your marks may not reflect the change right away, you'll feel much happier about school. That's the way I want to structure my life. Going to a one day meditation retreat with Roman today!!
2005/12/9
Here are some samples of HK Pop. One is by Jay Chou, off his latest album "November's Chopin". It's also a track from one of Jay Chou's latest movies "Initial D", where he plays a street car racer. It's based off a Japanese comic. That explains all the car noises in the song, lol. Jay's one of my favourite artists of all time. The other song is from the popular HK Film "My Left Eye Sees Ghosts" and it sounds pretty Halloweeny. The vocals are by Sammi Cheng. She's pretty cool.
Jay Chou - Piao Yi 
exceeded allocated data transferSammi Cheng - Left Eye Sees Ghosts Theme 1 exceeded allocated data transfer
2005/12/8
You know, in the times we live in, it's very easy not to live in the present. There is so much advertising - I think this is a main distraction from life - it is one of the biggest factors for people to avoid their life. Music videos, Pepsi Campaigns, the more I study Political Economy of the Media, the more I become aware of the overwhelming presence of marketing in our part of the world. You can't blame the distraction on one aspect of life though, there are so many ways to become distracted. People who create advertisements are just trying to make a living.
Unfortunately, some media can have dammaging effects on the general public. I've viewed it in people my age who are not university particularly, although people in university are affected too. All this "raunch". Living in a society with so much money, we have to take more responsibility for that wealth, and for our own well-being. It's important to learn how to live in the moment - put future ambitions and your painful past behind - and simply love those who need to be loved, be present, and do what little chores need to be finished with care. Advertising is fine, as long as you're responsible about it.
2005/12/7
Well, I was looking into this website and iblogs.com and I found a nice template at the iblogs site. I like this one a lot too though, it's more graceful, and more me. I also have a nice subdomain here - just simply my first name. I like original blogs. I think this one is more original than the other, so I'll keep this one. I've started up so many blogs tryin to find one that suited me best, and now, my typings have finally found a home.
Below are links to sister sites of anime, korean, japanese, and chinese music download sites which has provided me with a lot of asian music. I'm hoping to start up a new asian show at the campus radio station in the future, once I've got enough good music.
