Post On Crushes
You know, I'm having a deep, reflective moment here. Just reviewing the experience of the last few guys that have had crushes on me and chased after me and my own problems with lust. The thing about lust: the neurons in your brain replicate obsessive-compulsive disorder when you have a crush on someone. Reading this in National Geographic has helped me understand some of the guys doing strange things in response to having a crush on me, and my own weird responses too.
It's helped me gain more sympathy for those in lust, including myself. You know, I look at how I react to lust and I realize I'm not that different from most guys. When a guy I like just simply stops talking to me, I go through a period of withdrawl, severe pain, and I just didn't appreciate what I grip the crush had on me until that point. I understand why sometimes when I really like a guy, it usually doesn't turn out as opposed to the times where I'm not that emotionally involved.
It's not fair, when you meet someone that you really like, your brain plays all kinds of nasty tricks on you, and if you can't control yourself, you'll eventually alienate that person. I keep growing, becoming more disciplined, more mature, and yet it's still really difficult to get over that chemical reaction in my brain that appears along with that "you know who" (as Shamila would put it). I've said mean things to guys I like when they do something I don't like. I think I'm speaking the truth, from my heart, but really, it's just hurtful.
So what's the solution to this? To purposely seek one-night stands all the time instead? To completely become a prude and stop trying? Well, I think you only surpress this line of questioning when you do those things, and sooner or later, you'll find a very special person and you won't know how to deal with it. So, I'm just going to keep living through it and try to be mindful of the experience. I'll keep apologizing for mistakes I've made over again, and hope that someday a guy is nice enough to forgive me.
On another note, why would baby-boomers want this lust to come back to their marriages anyway? Sure, it gives you some energy and fun for a while, but I'd say the chemical-reaction itself is pretty destructive. It's more dangerous than a high on a drug because it simply invades your life whenever it wants to -- you don't have a choice. Well that's my deep reflective moment. Until next time.
It's helped me gain more sympathy for those in lust, including myself. You know, I look at how I react to lust and I realize I'm not that different from most guys. When a guy I like just simply stops talking to me, I go through a period of withdrawl, severe pain, and I just didn't appreciate what I grip the crush had on me until that point. I understand why sometimes when I really like a guy, it usually doesn't turn out as opposed to the times where I'm not that emotionally involved.
It's not fair, when you meet someone that you really like, your brain plays all kinds of nasty tricks on you, and if you can't control yourself, you'll eventually alienate that person. I keep growing, becoming more disciplined, more mature, and yet it's still really difficult to get over that chemical reaction in my brain that appears along with that "you know who" (as Shamila would put it). I've said mean things to guys I like when they do something I don't like. I think I'm speaking the truth, from my heart, but really, it's just hurtful.
So what's the solution to this? To purposely seek one-night stands all the time instead? To completely become a prude and stop trying? Well, I think you only surpress this line of questioning when you do those things, and sooner or later, you'll find a very special person and you won't know how to deal with it. So, I'm just going to keep living through it and try to be mindful of the experience. I'll keep apologizing for mistakes I've made over again, and hope that someday a guy is nice enough to forgive me.
On another note, why would baby-boomers want this lust to come back to their marriages anyway? Sure, it gives you some energy and fun for a while, but I'd say the chemical-reaction itself is pretty destructive. It's more dangerous than a high on a drug because it simply invades your life whenever it wants to -- you don't have a choice. Well that's my deep reflective moment. Until next time.
Sorry, Mevam (a.k.a. Gonzo)
